


Horse Club

by Madeline69



Category: Fight Club (1999), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: F/F, FUCK, It's a funny joke from me, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format, aghga, eant, madi gir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 04:03:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21155306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madeline69/pseuds/Madeline69
Summary: Rainbow Dash confronts Ditzy Doo.





	Horse Club

INT. RARITY'S ROOM - SAME

Rarity answers.

RARITY

Yeah?

RAINBOW DASH

Rarity, it's me. Have we... have we

ever had sex?

RARITY

What kind of stupid question is

that?!

RAINBOW DASH

Because the answer's "yes" or because

the answer's "no?"

RARITY

Is this a trick?

RAINBOW DASH

Will you just answer me, for

Christsake?!

RARITY

You mean, you want to know if I think

we were just having sex or making

love?

RAINBOW DASH

We did make love?

RARITY

Is that what you're calling it?

RAINBOW DASH

Answer the question!

RARITY

You fuck me, then snub me. You love

me, you hate me. You show me your

sensitive side, then you turn into a

total asshole! Is that a pretty

accurate description of our

relationship, Ditzy?

RAINBOW DASH (V.O.)

We've just lost cabin pressure.

RAINBOW DASH

What did you say... ?

RARITY

What is wrong with you?

RAINBOW DASH

Say my name.

RARITY

What... ?

RAINBOW DASH

Say my name! What's my name!?

RARITY

Ditzy Doo! Ditzy Doo, you

fucking freak. What's going on? I'm

coming over there...

RAINBOW DASH

Rarity, no, wait...

As Rarity HANGS UP. Dash stares at the receiver, dazed...

DITZY DOO'S VOICE

We've got six horse clubs in Canterlot

now...

Dash spins, dropping the phone -- DITZY DOO sits beside her.

DITZY DOO

Four in Manehatten.

RAINBOW DASH

What's this all about, Ditzy?

DITZY DOO

And, we're definitely filling a void

in the rural South.

RAINBOW DASH

Why do people think I'm you?

DITZY DOO

You broke your promise. You talked

to her about me.

RAINBOW DASH

Why do people think I'm Ditzy Doo?

DITZY DOO

Why did you do that?

RAINBOW DASH

Answer me, Ditzy.

DITZY DOO

Why do people think anything?

RAINBOW DASH

I don't know! Tell me!

Ditzy shakes her head in disgust, extremely irritated.

DITZY DOO

People think that you're me, because

you and I happen to share the same

body.

RAINBOW DASH

What... ?

DITZY DOO

Is this really news to you?

RAINBOW DASH

What are you talking about... ?

DITZY DOO

Sometimes I control it, and you

imagine yourself watching me...

FLASHBACK - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Shining Armor checks his tie in a mirror, goes to open

the door of the MEN'S BATHROOM -- face to face with RAINBOW DASH.

FLASHBACK - SUGAR CUBE CORNER BASEMENT - NIGHT

RAINBOW DASH stands surrounded by eager horse club MEMBERS, under

the bare bulb, talking and behaving like Ditzy...

RAINBOW DASH

The first rule of horse club is --

you don't talk about horse club.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - RESUMING

DITZY DOO

And, sometimes you control it...

FLASHBACK - EXT. DASH’S CLOUD CONDO - DAY

Dash stands in the yard, VODKA in hand, yells at Rarity.

RAINBOW DASH

She's not here! Ditzy's not here

anymore! She's gone away!

INT. HOTEL ROOM - RESUMING

DITZY DOO

You can see me and hear me, but no

one else can...

FLASHBACK - CLOUDSDALE - NIGHT

RAINBOW DASH sits alone on a cloud, watching the nearby freeway.

She talks to someone beside her, but nobody's there.

RAINBOW DASH

Anyone?

(thinks)

My boss, probably.

(pause)

Who would you fight?

Dash listens, looks at the empty space beside her.

RAINBOW DASH

Oh, yeah.

(nodding)

I didn't really know my Dad...

INT. HOTEL ROOM - RESUMING

DITZY DOO

But, when you fall asleep, I do

things without you...

FLASHBACK - DITZY DOO'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

RAINBOW DASH is on top of Rarity, sweating, making violent love...

INT. HOTEL ROOM - RESUMING

DITZY DOO

I go places without you. Get things

done...

FLASHBACK - BUILDING - NIGHT

The Parker Morris Building.

RAINBOW DASH, Gilda, Pinkie, Apple Jack and another PONY rappel down the

side, SPRAYING PAINT. RAINBOW DASH is "DITZY DOO" in demeanor,

mannerisms, speech...

RAINBOW DASH

(shouting)

You are not your job. You are not

how much money you have in the bank.

TWO WINDOWS SHATTER OUTWARD -- TWO COLTS look out and yell:

BRUISED COLT #1

I am not my job!

BRUISED COLT #2

I am not how much money I have in the

bank!

INT. HOTEL ROOM - RESUMING

Dash's having trouble catching her breath. Ditzy stands.

DITZY DOO

There! Happy? I asked for one thing

from you... one simple promise. Now

look what you've done!

RAINBOW DASH

This isn't possible...

DITZY DOO

We're going to have to do something

about Rarity...

RAINBOW DASH

What... what are you saying?

DITZY DOO

It's okay. We okay... a little

codependent, sure, but...

Dash shakes her head in disbelief, in denial...

RAINBOW DASH

No! This isn't true. We... we were

around other people, together, both

of us...

DITZY DOO

You never talked to me in front of

anyone else.

RAINBOW DASH

Wrong, wrong -- what about the car

crash... the two guys in the backseat?

DITZY DOO

What about them? They're lunatics.

RAINBOW DASH

You took me to the house.

DITZY DOO

The house is rented in your name.

RAINBOW DASH

You have jobs.

DITZY DOO

Night jobs -- while you were sleeping.

RAINBOW DASH

What about Rarity?

DITZY DOO

What about Rarity?

RAINBOW DASH

She's... you... you're fucking her.

DITZY DOO

Um, well... technically, no.

Dash stands, trying to absorb, feeling ill, trying to find

words, then -- she suddenly FAINTS to the floor, OUT COLD.

RAINBOW DASH (V.O.)

It's called a "changeover." The

movie goes on, and nobody in the

audience has any idea.


End file.
